...More stuff to tell

NOVEMBER 2009

Mhar visited for Halloween. We helped Aprilon move to his new apartment in Monterey Park. Aprilon started working at Union Bank in Monterey Park. Mhar took the time to help us look for a car. We almost purchased a red Saturn sportscar but Carl found out it didn't have a good history through Carfax. Mhar and Liezel later took off to spend Halloween in Hollywood. Carl and I spent the night giving candies with Joyce...

We didn't stop looking for a car. Carl skipped sunday school to check a car he was interested in. We were desperately looking for a cheap car because Carl works graveyard shift at MySpace all the way down in El Segundo. At last, Carl contacted a dealer in Orange County who was selling a 1996 Ford Taurus with 70,000+ miles for $2000. Carl negotiated with him and he agreed to accept $1500 cash and pay the rest in an installment basis. Carl's uncle, tito Cesar, took us to the dealership...and Carl closed the deal. There goes our savings and some help from a really good friend. We drove off with our “new” car...we were supposed to head straight home, but I got confused with our orientation and I prodded Carl to take the wrong freeway by mistake.

We ended up heading to Liezel's apartment in Commerce and showed them our baby. We named her Ramzel, in honor of her fairy godparents, if you know what I mean.

November proved to be yet another trying month. Carl and I caught a bad case of flu on Thanksgiving week. I wasn't able to babysit for a couple of days. Carl rested through his days off, but wasn't quite feeling well enough to resume work. He ended up missing a whole week of work, including Thanksgiving weekend. I didn't roast a turkey on Thanksgiving. I made pork steak for our little potluck with ate Lei and Ricky, we had Thanksgiving dinner with Joyce's family, and we met up with the Pascuals on Black Saturday while recovering from the flu. When Carl was ready to go back to work the week after, he was told he had already been replaced. We braced ourselves... it was a very bad time to lose his job. We had one more payment to make for the car, and we still had to pay the rest of our break lease fee. I continued to watch Jen's kids. I watched them 4x a week, 2x from 12noon to 1am and 2x from 8am to 8pm. Doing that covered our housing. Carl took small projects so we could get by... and the search for a new job began...

and the holidays was just around the corner...

A lot of stuff to tell...

I know its been 5 months. How do I explain why I didn't blog for 5 months. Since I dont know how to explain, or rather, what explanation I would give, I would just go back to 5 months ago and start sharing our lives again.

OCTOBER 2009.

This was our last month at Lakewood Manor. We had to be out of our apartment by the 19^th. It was one of those months when it was easy to get lost in the chaos of real life. I broke down a couple of times. We moved into the apartment in June...and it hasn't been 6 months and we're moving out. Our bishop was helping us look for a place to move into. Bishop Fisher is an amazing person. He would always tell us to hang in there and counseled us to stay strong. He found us a good deal with one of the single ladies in the ward. Sister McNary lives by herself since all her kids have already moved out and are settled with their own families. She was willing to help us out since I was helping another single mom in the ward watch her kids while she works late shifts. It all worked out pretty well.

It was also Liezel's birth month. Carl and I took a trip with her to Oakland. We all had fun, especially Liezel. Usually, its Mhar who comes down to visit her in Los Angeles. We all wanted a break from Southern California anyway, so we went up north.

We met with April and Randall Zielke and had lunch at Max's in South San Francisco.

Liezel always wanted to take a ride on the cable cars in downtown San Francisco, so we went and took the rides all the way down to the pier.

We took the time to visit Nanay Julie as well. She's a lady from Carl's mission in San Francisco that he's really fond of. She took us out to dinner at Banana Island in Daly City.

By the end of the month, Emerson arrived from his trip to the Philippines. It was time to return his Camry. We picked him up at LAX, had dinner, we dropped off Carl at MySpace, he dropped me off at Joyce's, and he drove off to Bakersfield. Carl took the train to come home in the morning...and our search for our own car began...

more to tell...

WHAT BABY "DISASTERS" TEACH MOMMY WANNABES LIKE MOI

When i started babysitting for a mom in our new ward, Carl and I were really excited. We both thought this would be an awesome on-the-job training for me especially...and the best thing about it is that we can see how different or similar our "parenting" styles are... (cool i get to use the word PARENTING). So i babysit 3 kids - Brent is 4, Chase is almost 2, and Kaylie is 11 months. Brent goes to kindergarten/early headstart during the day and gets home at 5:30-ish...so i spend most of the day with the two little ones. Babysitting these kids have not been uneventful so far, except for the occassional teasing and yelling and little boy fights...and of course crying all at the same time. Even that one time when I needed to stay with them for 3 days and 3 nights because their mom needed to be at a corporate training in Detroit, true i was really exhausted, but it was all good. I super love it when they take LONG naps and when they finish their food. And my favorite part of the day is when Carl comes to visit and he plays with the boys...sometimes he even takes them to the park.

I am not the perfect baby sitter in town, but I super love these kids. And today, I learned a very valuable lesson - too bad i had to learn in the hard way...

I started babysitting at 12:30 today. The day started with Kaylie napping and Chase was playing with his robots. When Kaylie woke up, Chase started to play with her. Chase took two plastic canisters with coins in them (which was sort of their coin banks) and he started shaking them. I figured both were amused with the sound the canisters made because they were both giggling. All of a sudden, Chase walks out and heads to his room and shuts the door (which wasn't odd coz he does that when he misses Brent). A couple of minutes later I peeked into the room and he was already napping. I was left with Kaylie and i tried to feed her, but she doesn't like her new formula just yet... so i played with her and i shook the canisters with her...and then while she was preoccupied, i stood up to wash my hands and grab something from the fridge...when all of a sudden I heard Kaylie coughing and she sounded like she was gasping for air... I ran to her and i saw one of the canisters open and couple of coins lying on the floor! Chase must have loosened the lid when he was playing with it which made it easy for Kaylie to open the canisters! My mind raced and the first thing i did was to open her mouth to check if she had put anything in it. She resisted and she continued coughing... i started to panic...she was red and was coughing nonstop like she wanted to cough something out and was already turning reddish. I grabbed for my phone and i was ready to call 911, because for some reason, i couldnt do my infant CPR stuff correctly! But then when i reached into my pocket my phone wasnt there...then suddenly i realized i left it with Carl coz he needed to make some calls. I took Kaylie with me, raced out the door and started knocking on neighbors' doors. 2 men came out of their apartments and helped me make calls to 911 and to Jennifer. Kaylie was still coughing but looked better when the paramedics came in. Jennifer, on the other hand, was by that time on her way to check with us. After a couple of questions, which i think i answered sanely, the paramedics cleared Kaylie and told me her air passage was clear, and the worst thing that can happen was she has already swallowed it and she's gonna poop it out. They advised us to have her checked still and possibly get an x-ray just to check if she really did ingest a foreign object. Kaylie calmed down, the paramedics left, and Jennifer came home soon after. I gave her Kaylie and I apologized as i burst into tears. I felt horrible...really really horrible.

Jennifer was very kind and she told me some comforting words. She said her only concern was if Kaylie choked...and she was glad Kaylie's air passage is clear - at that moment, that was all that mattered to her. But what really stood out to me was when she said, "IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE A MOM, YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR CRISIS - BECAUSE THERE WILL BE A LOT." Jennifer went back to work after Kaylie fell asleep. She was probably so exhausted from the commotion. Jennifer told me everything is fine now and I should probably take a nap myself. (Chase by the way NAPPED through the whole fiasco).

As soon as Jennifer closed the door, i fell on my knees and prayed. I couldn't thank Heavenly Father enough for blessing Kaylie and for keeping me together through my first baby disaster. As I watched Kaylie sleep, I thought about how my mother reacted when i stuffed my nose with candied fruit seed 2o years ago. But most of all, I couldn't help but think how I could possibly let that happen to Kaylie. I felt so inadequate and questioned my capacity to be entrusted with a child.

I tried to take a nap myself and as i was laying on the couch, i realized, more than ever before, how big a responsibility being a parent really is. I also realized how important a partner is when raising a family. Taking care of these 3 babies, Carl and I saw some differences between our styles with the kids - we even have different opinions on what is "wrestling too much." But at the end of the day, the differences don't matter - whats more important is that he is there to help me out. But the biggest lesson i learned so far - no matter how hard we protect our children and no matter what we do to keep them safe, some of their choices will get them into some kind of trouble... and when those things happen, like Jennifer said, you have to be prepared.


PS. Because i felt so horrible about what happened, i told Jennifer she could fire me if she feels I am not able to take care of her kids. She said there's no way she'd fire me because her kids love me, and Carl. I think I realized one more thing - YOU JUST CAN'T GIVE UP ON PARENTING... SURE IT IS ONE TOUGH JOB, AND TOUGH MOMMIES NEVER GIVE UP!

So I guess I still need some more toughening up to do :)

Surviving, Moving On, and Gratefulness

The past couple of months, we've heard of our friends being involved in accidents on the road. I remember when i heard about Kuya Benjie's accident on his birthday, I couldn't believe he survived it. His car was a total wreck. I thought to myself, he was truly blessed. A couple of days later, Kuya Kamille got rear ended while driving on the freeway. I immediately got hold of Ate Yvonne to make sure everything was ok, and there i learned that their car got a real hard hit and Kuya Kamille was to be taken to the ER. After a couple of exams, Kuya Kamille was cleared and he only suffered muscle trauma due to crash impact. And then a few weeks later, Mhar's parked car was hit by another vehicle. Mhar was safe but his car needed serious fixing. It kept me thinking what if Mhar was in the car? And when it already seemed really odd that all these accidents were happening one after the other, I learned that Kuya Jayson and Ate Lally's family got into a slight car accident while driving in Park City. They were really lucky and they were blessed especially because both of their girls were with them.

For a few weeks, everything seemed calm and i wasn't hearing of anymore accidents. But because of the recent accidents our friends have gotten into, I made sure I reminded Carl to keep himself safe on the road. Carl works night shifts with MySpace and he leaves the house everynight at 10pm so he could be in El Segundo at around 10:45pm to be on time for his 11pm shift. He finishes work at 7:30am and reaches home at around 8:15. If you have known Carl for a while now, you would know that Carl is not the best when it comes to staying up late. In fact, I am the "vampire," not him. So even being the awesome driver that he is, I can not help but worry about him every night especially with all our friends' car accidents.

And then the most tragic news came. The Gunters were involved in a fatal car accident and Amanda was kiled. Levin and I had the same major in BYU-H and he was my classmate in a couple of my Psych classes. Amanda and I were never introduced but I have seen her around campus and in TVA. In fact, when they left Hawaii, they sold us all their kitchen supplies for $40 and literally transferred the contents of their cupboards and pantry to us. Carl told me that when he was reluctant to take all of it, Amanda insisted we take it because she'd prefer knowing somebody will really use their stuff than just leave everything on the free bin. Somehow, Levin and Amanda weren't just acquaintances to Carl and I... and we were devastated when we heard the news. And as if this wasn't quite enough, I read in Lois' blog that another couple from BYU-H was also involved in a fatal car accident. When i think about all of these accidents, it gets kind of creepy sometimes...but most of the time, very sad.

Our friends' cars have since been replaced or fixed and most of them have started the process of collecting damages. Somehow, their bodies were spared by the Lord's tender mercies and I know they have been reminded that their lives are more precious than any other earthly possessions they might have. Sadly for Levin, Amanda is now physically gone in her earthly state... but he still has Ansey to remind him of the wonderful wife he had on earth and he is assured of the promise of eternal families, and Amanda will be waiting for him and Ansey after this life. Though our friends have lost a portion of their possessions, and for Levin's case his wife, they have survived their tragedies and have started moving on. I know deep inside their hearts that they are grateful the Lord had spared them his mercy.

I always tell Carl he should be extra careful when driving at night because, first, he may never know when an accident can happen... and second, because the car he is driving is just a borrowed car. But the reality is, I am not ready to lose Carl to physical death just yet... I get frustrated when Carl doesn't get enough sleep during the day. Its a mix of being worried and being upset. Most of all, it is LOVE. I dont want Carl to get into an accident while driving at night justb because he didnt get his needed sleep. Most of all, I don't want to lose Carl. I am grateful that Carl has been blessed with alertness as he travels to and from work everyday. We are grateful for Carl's health and for our friend Emerson's car. Really, even in trials, tribulations, even tragedies... the Lord is mindful of us.

maybe when the time is right...maybe

i didnt have the motivation to write anything on our blog. i mean...what is there share - thus SHARING OUR LIVES?!?!?! the heck... i sound pathetic aren't i? yes i am... i felt crappy 75% of the time for the past couple of months...i felt hopeless, helpless and scared. i think the only good things that happened to me since we got here in California were Carl's birthday, our first wedding anniversary, and my birthday. i acknowledge the fact that we have been blessed in more ways than i noticed... but maybe because i felt so low inside, i still felt crappy for myself. Darn YOU self-pity...darn YOU.


as i have imagined... moving to California was very TRYING. on some days, i have asked myself - WHY DID WE EVEN MOVE HERE? but that phase i already dealt with. i am over it and i have accepted our fate that was brought about by the decision to move to a place that is by the way one of most hit states by this economic recession. between carl's job and my "dependent" state, i questioned my purpose here in America and that made matters worse - because for the first time in my life it didnt feel like i had a purpose...deep inside, i was calling myself a LOSER. thanks to Carl, family members who REALLY understood where i was coming from, and friends who REALLY knew how hard it was for me - i slowly got over my self-imposed depression also known as SELF PITY. i got a little better each day, and each day became a little better...




and then it came... and i almost thought i was crazy... back track to July.


Carl and I have been trying to conceive since the day we got married. we've read stuff, we've tried stuff, i had my stuff checked. we were advised to get both of us checked if we dont successfully conceive after a year of trying. On Carl's birthday, I was already a week late for my period. I tested - NEGATIVE. i talked to my mom, she advised me to wait it out, give it a couple more weeks then test again. 2 weeks later, i tested again - NEGATIVE. Carl was being positive and started talking to my belly, telling it to be strong. i told carl he was nuts...the tests were negative and this already happened to us before. i am not pregnant... but am i really not? i felt tired everyday and i started throwing up. my head felt light at times and i just wanted to sleep. i shrugged all of it off my shoulders... the tests were negative, can't beat that. another 2 weeks came by and i am still not having my period. carl told me to take the test. it was the morning of my birthday. i took my 3rd pregnancy test and it was negative... i was already 5 weeks delayed. i started to worry... im having most of the pregnancy symptoms in the book. maybe im not using the test kits correctly. carl took me to a local clinic and they ran a couple of tests on me. still negative. i couldnt get it. how can i not be not pregnant. the nurse advised me to come back in two weeks - which we did, for the 5th time it was negative. i was already 8 weeks delayed. she advised me to schedule an ultrasound appointment, just to make sure of whats really going on inside of me... a baby, a cyst, no baby, no cyst, whatever thats causing all my symptoms. i didn't show up for my ultrasound appointment. cold feet. what if there's no baby, but theres a cyst instead. i wont be surprised...it runs in the blood. carl was persistent. he wanted me to take that ultrasound on Sept. 16th. at this point...i was already 12 weeks delayed. I refused and insisted we wait for October... it ended up we didnt have to. I bled on the 15th. It wasnt miscarriage, it was my period.


I wasnt pregnant afterall. What I had was probably PSEUDOCYESIS. yup - BIG WORD. its commonly called hysterical pregnancy and it means false pregnancy - the body exhibits pregnancy symptoms even if theres no pregnancy because the mind and the body wants to have a baby badly. its mostly psychological. reports have shown that some women actually get huge prego bellies like for real but theres no real pregnancy going on and other people might even feel fetal movements. Crazy huh... i actually thought i was crazy.




self pity mode all over again. i saw the faces and bellies of every pregnant woman i know in my mind at that moment and i wanted to ask them WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT AND I AM NOT?! it felt unfair - really unfair. i was mad at my body... because i failed once again - at something that I know i should be able to do. it took me a couple of days... i still DONT want to see pregnant women right now, especially those who just got pregnant. if some of you will read this one, dont get me wrong. i am not mad at you or your pregnancy - just dont talk to me about it right now. to those who had been prego for a while now, like my dear friend Samantha, you're all good - i know what youve been through and you totally deserve your baby.


as for me and carl, and my uterus...we will keep on trying...and maybe when the time is right, my womb ill get that chance too... maybe.

On Moving... and Moving On

I suck at moving on... i always make sure that give myself time to emotionally say good bye to things i have learned to love... sometimes, i get stuck - like i get scared of living a life without those i have become emotionally attached to. I hate goodbyes... i just hate them...

But as my good friend Angela Buenafe told me before i left Baguio City, "there are such things as necessary absences..." Sometimes, or maybe, a lot of times, we just have to let go, leave, and carry on...

I thought leaving Hawaii would be easier - because I have told myself countless times that I have already accomplished what I was sent to Hawaii for. I have convinced myself that I need a new environment and that the Hawaii adventure is over. I have rehearsed those thoughts in my mind over and over until I felt comfortable with leaving the islands.

But it wasn't easy.

Anyone who has made a major relocation in their life will agree that moving is INDEED EXHAUSTING.

Carl and I felt mentally drained as we thought about choosing the best date to check-out of the apartment, the best day to leave the island, the cheapest flight, the most convenient airline, who to temporarily stay with, the best way to ship things, which stuff are to be kept and which are to be tossed, and most of all how to financially survive the big move. We had to think about all these on top of Carl's equally important goal he had to focus on - graduation.


A wise friend of ours told us that the process of our move will test our relationship in many aspects. I guess it really did.


I am a control-freak - i don't want to use the word perfectionist because though i hate flawed plans, I prefer to think that it is a matter of checking all loop holes before pushing through. Carl is a planner too. However, it seemed to me like he wasn't doing what was supposed to be in the plan. I become agitated by his simplest deviation from "our" plan. It felt frustrating because I didn't want to go through things all over again and go back to square one. But then at the end of the day, I realize how hard it would have been for Carl to accommodate all my preferences while trying his best to make this move easier.


I admit though that I had broken down a lot of times. I cried and yelled at myself while packing and thinking about other things all at the same time. Everything was happening in front of me and I, the great control freak, was losing control. Carl's graduation, Jasmine's wedding, the big move - happening one after the other. I don't know if I missed something while we were planning for this... but I guess somewhere along the way, I forgot to pause and think. There I was - drained and exhausted.


On the brighter side, moving taught me valuable lessons of love and friendship. Love for the things that made me happy while I was on the island, love for the people who have accepted me for who I am, and love for the place that showed me what I really wanted. Kissing my blender and Carl's guitar goodbye were few of my emotional moments (yes, it sounds dramatic - but hey, these things meant a lot to me... especially Carl's guitar)... few of those that I was really caught off guard, moments that I thought I wouldn't have to go through because I have prepared myself for this.

kissing Niobe bye-bye

had to say bye-bye to Shawn and Lindsey, our super neighbors

gotta let go of Carl's guitar

this whole crying thing wasn't just me...

I tried not to cry on our last day on the island. Because yes, there are no real goodbyes so to speak - only "see you later"s. But because I am a drama queen, oh yes, I did cry.

these are just some of the people that makes leaving really hard

Indeed moving was a big challenge. Leaving things and people behind and moving on to find what's out there for Carl and I. I was scared - this was more scarier for me than it was to come to Hawaii. Carl tried his best to get the fear get the hell out of me...you bet he did. Some days, I thought I'd go nuts.


But... well here I am... still have my sanity intact... and yes, I kind of survived the move. I still get that scared feeling once in a while and it goes to my head sometimes i feel crazy - but Carl is here - and he keeps me moving on, and believing that there is something for us here in California.

TURNED THREE (inspired by Shey's seven years)

I love milestones - it gives me a feeling of accomplishment knowing that I've been through things that, at least for me, helped me grow.




I've made my a lot of big steps in my life in the past three years... and i think they are more appropriately called BIG LEAPS OF FAITH.

In 2006, I left the Philippines - families and friends - to attend BYU-Hawaii. I even had to give up the University of the Philippines - the university I've planned to attend all my life. But I guess Heavenly Father has been planning on sending me to His university all this time.

Of course I needed to have a picture here! LOL

I was confident that the Lord will lead to me kind-hearted people - and I was right. Even so, He prepared me to meet this man.

Carl and I - building something special

Throughout my Hawaii adventure, I was indeed blessed to have shared my life with awesome people. Not only were they great friends to me, they were also great source of inspiration and they were amazing examples to me.

Island girls know how to have fun :)

Being a student at BYUH and working at the Polynesian Cultural Center was a big learning experience.

Emerson and I with Abish Pelipel at the Snackshop :)

The Food and Beverage AWESOME Trio :)


The Food and Beverage Admin Staff - we work and play!

A lot of the challenges I had really tested my faith and on many occasions I found myself depending solely on God's grace. The temple was a great source of strength. I grew up in the church and I was raised to work hard so I can attend the temple. Having the temple so close was a tremendous blessing.

At the temple grounds on a Sunday afternoon - can't beat that!

The day I received my Endowment

Exam after exam, I made my way to college graduation. My testimony immensely grew as I realized how weak I was and that the greatest source of wisdom is the Lord. In the end, He paved the way for me to achieve what I have worked hard for.

Senior Paper Presentations are FINALLY OVER!

After all is Said and Done...It's time to move on and grow up!

People came and left, and I stayed in Hawaii. And if there was somebody who I knew was gonna stick with me the longest, I figured it was Carl. So after months of dating, we decided it was time to make the companionship eternal.

Making it OFFICIAL!

THE BIG DAY!!!

The Hawaii adventure continued as Carl and I started our married life here in the islands. The Temple View Apartments community is just awesome. We have the best neighbors and we belong to an amazing ward of faithful saints.

Rain Rellora's Naming and Blessing

With our neighbors Ranjit and Ali the night before they flew back to Fiji

New Years Eve at our teeny weeny studio apartment :)

The past three years were indeed full of fun and adventure. As my island life draws near to its end, I look back and I realize how blessed I have been. I can honestly say I wouldn't have the past three years any other way.

ALL IN A DAYS WORK - THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN

A while back I claimed that I am not a big fan of the corporate world - I still am not. I gave up on Honolulu and no matter what I did to convince myself that Honolulu has the great jobs and what not - nope, sorry Honolulu...but you are over rated! LOL


Anyways last month, through my new agency, I was hired by the Salvation Army to be their Assistant Property Manager at one of their Senior Affordable Housing Programs in Wahiawa. When I was given the offer, honestly I just accepted it out of desperation. Carl and I are financially needy right now and paychecks save lives - seriously! So anyway, after the almost 45-minute phone interview with the Asst. Regional Director and HR Manager who were in California and 3 days of waiting for the background check to come through, I was finally offered the job and I accepted it without even knowing how to get to the property by bus. (These all happened when TheBus was making route changes!)



On my first day, I took the bus 55 Kaneohe Circle Island and went pass the beautiful Northshore until I got to Wahiawa. I couldn't sleep while on board because I didn't even know my exact bus stop. Interestingly enough, my bus stop was the last stop before the bus travels non-stop to Mililani - that's a bus stop you don't want to miss on your first day on the job! So I got off the bus, followed my google maps direction (thanks Google!) and found myself in a residential area. I eventually found the property, buzzed in through the intercom system, and led to the property's management office by the Building Superintendent. I was 15 minutes early and my property manager wasn't in yet. As I sat on the chair, I was dumbfounded - seriously. I couldn't believe I was actually inside an apartment unit converted into a "home office" to serve as the management office. I didn't know what to expect but I geared up myself for the unexpected - especially when I saw piles of paper work and disorganized shelves, plus bearing in mind all the stuff I was told during my interview about the manager's challenges with the residents (imagine hard of hearing + poor english = total misunderstanding).



When my manager came in, she gave me a brief orientation (you bet it was brief), assigned me my desk and my computer and showed me where things were... and then she started to run down the reasons why they hired me - I was a bilingual Filipino with a Psychology background and they thought the residents would be more comfortable with somebody "local" and maybe I can use my psyche skills to deal with the challenges of our old folks. I wanted to fall off my seat - I had the most unusual workplace compared to all the jobs I had, but now I finally have a job that expects a lot from me.



Couple of weeks into the job, I started to get the feel of how things were in our property. When the Asst. Regional Director came to visit for two weeks, the residents had a meeting with her. They had all sorts of complaints especially about my manager - that she didn't have people skills and was rude and inconsiderate to the old folks. I was sitting in the community room and I so wanted to speak for my manager - she has the kindest heart. All she wants is the best for the residents. She's been placed in the property in September and was without an assistant until i got on board 5 weeks ago! It was so unfair to her because they don't know or maybe understand the burden and the workload she has. For Pete's sake, she haven't gotten a day off since Day 1 - even when her daughter and grandkids visited her from the mainland. And everyday, I see her and I hear her work her butt off to make sure the welfare of our seniors were given top priority.



I always tell Carl this has been my best job ever since I moved on from BYU-H. Not only do I get to work at my convenient hours (9am til 2pm, sometimes 4pm) and see the beautiful Northshore every bus ride to work, but everyday I am inspired by the kind hearted people serving the one sector of our community who are often forgotten. A couple of weeks ago, one of our contractors came in to fix the flooring in our lobby because some residents have almost tripped upon entering the front door - HE DID IT FOR FREE. Last week, the Calvary Chapel provided an Easter Luncheon for our residents. Last Wednesday, Aloha Harvest brought in free food for our old folks. They brought mashed potato, spare ribs, chicken, pasta, pastry, salad, musubi - all kinds from their friends from KFC and Umeke Market among others. Yesterday, a retired military lady came in to deliver free meals to some of residents who were benefiting from Lanakila's Meals on Wheels. The resident wasn't there and instead of giving her food to someone else (like she has been instructed), she brought the packages to the office and asked us to inform the resident about it. We talked for a while and she told me she's not being paid for it and she doesn't claim for her mileage reimbursement. FYI - she goes CIRCLE ISLAND.



But I guess the most inspiring day I had at work so far was on Wednesday when students from the Christian Academy came to our property and sang and danced for our residents. Those kids were awesome. I saw one of our residents crying while the kids did a little pantomime about turning our hearts to God and the joy of having been lost and being now found. It was heartwarming - I was glad my manager decided that we close the office for the meantime and be with the residents while the kids were doing their thing. Before they left, one of their teachers/pastor offered a prayer. In his prayer, he specifically asked the Lord to give my manager a special blessing that she may continue to be strong amidst all the trials she's having with her job responsibilities. He also asked that the residents be blessed with more love and understanding towards my manager that they may feel her love and concern for their welfare. As he was saying those words, I thought to myself - How inspired that pastor was! How the heck did he know all the challenges were facing to the point that he could be that specific with his plead to the Lord? He must have the light of Christ in him - he was inspired by the Holy Spirit, and he was at the right place at the right time.



I love going to work everyday. Today is a company holiday - it's our Employee Recognition Day. Seriously, I know non-profits don't pay that much (though honestly, this has been my highest paid job ever LOL) because they don't have much either. They couldn't even afford to have me work 40hours/wk because of budget issues. But who cares? I mean, yes I don't get paid big bucks - but the perks I get are stuff that money can't buy.

"And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

- Matthew 25:40

How can it be more fulfilling than that!

DEAL WITH IT...

For this past week, all I ever heard of was finals. I felt so out of touch because everyone is just rambling and stressing out on something I have already been done and over with. This is Carl's last semester and he's taking his biggest tests (Spring term is technically his last leg, but we could care less for spring...LOL). So anyway, this week for me is a breather. I have a four day work week because in observance of the Holy Week. I got Friday off, the perfect day to stay at home especially on a rainy Hawaiian day!




I am writing this just because I want to have the feeling of being really busy - hahahaha! I mean, I talk about how busy my day has been and yet I don't feel like I've been as busy as the people I know. On top of that - I get a day off on a day everybody is VERY BUSY!




So on my day off (or let me just say LONG WEEKEND) - these are the things I have to deal with...

1. MAIL THESE TAX FORMS

These precious envelopes will bring us money in the next couple of weeks. The deadline is on the 15th so I better mail them out now. Thanks to Jeryl for doing our taxes. Carl and I couldn't do it online because we are non-resident aliens so the appropriate tax forms for our classification are not available online. We had to do it manually - so we owe a lot to Jeryl for doing this for us for FREE!

2. HANG THESE LAUNDRY IN THE CLOSET

Actually, this laundry basket is the other half of the clean laundry. I categorize our clothes based on their purpose - private vs. public. These are the public ones. Actually, these have been washed on Saturday. I am a procrastinator at times, and laundry stuff is one of my favorite victims. But I don't have any reason to put off this tasking any longer - because tomorrow is another laundry day.

3. SEPARATE THESE!
[WHITES] [{PRIVATE} {(TOPS) (BOTTOMS)}] [{LINENS} {TOWELS}]

Yes, I am very particular about this. Carl and I have argued about my system of doing laundry a couple of times already. I got this system from my mom and dad. Growing up, our kitchen's floor would covered with dirty clothes on laundry day - arranged in sets (just like above). I became accustomed to doing the same thing. Its challenging to keep up to that though because of the cost of doing laundry here - so i try my very best to limit our laundry to three wash loads (max of 5 loads), and just hang the heavy fabric clothes to air dry whenever possible.

4. PUT THE CATERING IMPLEMENTS BACK TO STORAGE

Last Saturday, I took care of preparing for the Filipino club's refreshments during their closing socials. Thanks to all those who came over to help. Jonald you were an awesome president. Edward, Aprilon, Andrew, Janet, Richard, Ayi, Jemar, Jasmine - you guys were great helpers! Most of all, thanks to Carl for his undying support to my passion - cooking and serving people! HAPPINESS. But yeah - these things really do have to go back to storage!

CATERING 101 with my HAPPY HELPERS - 'Til next catering event!

5. CLEAN-UP AND ORGANIZE THE FRIDGE

Because i love to cook, there's always left over in the fridge. Sometimes, i can't even keep up with what's on the fridge - LOL! HAHAHA. That doesnt necessarily mean though that we have lots of food. Its just that I always cook. So this fridge of ours needs some clean-up: unload the left-overs, trash out the wilted stuff, organize what's inside, and remind myself what stuff should be consumed as soon as possible!

6. BILLS BILLS BILLS AND BILLS AGAIN

Back in the day, i check my mailbox at least once a month. Now, almost every othe rday i have to check our mailbox because whether i like or not, some company out there is sending us something. At least twice a month, thanks to our jobs, we get blessings from the mailbox. But most of the time, we get bills. When we get them, I review the bills, then I pass them to Carl. Then he takes care of 'em.

7. MEMORIES OF WINTER SEMESTER

These things need spring cleaning too. Most of these are Carl's - because he's the student! But I get my hand on them because - I am more deliberate on letting go of paper products that are already useless. Hehehehehe. I should have taken a picture of all the paper i trashed out of this pile.

8. REALITY CHECK

Last but not the least - in fact this is the hardest thing i have to deal with - these jeans that I can't use because I don't fit on them no more! I have gained pounds since we got married. I've been trying to lose pounds for 2 months now. I consider losing five pounds succesful considering I am not a work-out fan and I don't have much free time for tennis matches nowadays - though I know I can lose more if I can only burn my calories faster. I have been cutting on rice, eating either a sandwich or a green salad for lunch, and drinking more water. I feel a little bit lighter but certainly not smaller yet. And these jeans are proof that I need to work harder - because after losing five pounds, i still don't fit on them.

Whew! I felt really busy!

THANKS DADDY!!!!!

You know the feeling when things just seem to catch up on you and suddenly everything is chaotic? Well...that's how I've been feeling lately. On some days, I just feel so low and at one point I could have broke down real hard. I tend to be hard on myself. I have always been in control of the things happening to me. Its just me...




Maybe that's why the Lord gave me a husband who is just as calm as I am chaotic. He's a breakwater - tempering the strong waves of my soul. I know being the human that Carl is, he is divine in being patient with my chaotic soul on many occasions.







Life is great...especially when you look at it through clear glass. But when your sight is blurred with things you think are important when in fact they are minute insignificant motes, life becomes a different story. Lately, I've been looking at life that way...




My husband has a gift of discernment. He knows when something wrong is going on inside me even when I don't say anything. And I am not that good at keeping my feelings to myself either. I may not say anything, but my silence says a lot - especially because silence on my part is rare. Carl probably noticed I've been busying myself in the kitchen more often than usual. I open the fridge, stare at it, then close it...just to go through the same routine a couple of minutes later. Cooking is my "destressor" because it is one of the few things I am in total control of - its my way of giving myself the feeling of being on top of things.

Here's me "Destressing"

To help me "breathe," my husband takes me to walks in the afternoons when he comes home early. Sometimes, he'll ask me to stop anything that I'm doing and have me lie down beside him and he'll give me a tight hug - then silence. There's a lot of simple things he does. The other day, he brought me a small packet of M&Ms - I was overjoyed. Everytime we go to the grocery, before we go to the line to pay for our stuff, Carl always asks me to pick something I really like just for myself. Sometimes I trade that off for something I want for us but is not on the grocery list, but usually I grab a bag of Tostitos. When he knows I've had a rough day, he'd offer to do the dishes even when it not his turn. He lets me watch Food Network until I fall asleep after a long day's work. Carl spoils me with the simplest little things.




A couple of weeks ago, Carl dragged me to see a musical. I say DRAGGED because I was not in the mood to get out of the house. I wanted to cook and play in the kitchen and experiment with my hands and taste buds. When I was finally convinced that I might really need to do something else aside from pots and pans, I agreed to go with him and our sister Jasmine to see the musical. We got there and it already started, around 10 minutes into the first act. The venue was full packed and the line for tickets is very long. At that point, I was decisively convinced - THIS MUSICAL WAS A MUST SEE.







We decided to buy tickets for the following night's show. The musical was an adaptation of Seussical by the BYU-Hawaii Fine Arts Department. We arrived at the auditorium at around 10 minutes before the show started, and it was already full. We got our seats and saved one for Jasmine (who came in later)... and then the lights dimmed and the show was on!




I couldn't take photos or video while the show was on... but even if i could have, i might not have the time to work with my camera because I was so caught up with the actors, the songs, the antics, and fun memories of watching Horton Hears Who (the movie) with great friends about a year ago. When Horton said his famous "people are people no matter how small," i couldn't help but drop a tear from my eye. I am real cry baby when I get so involved with what I watch, but this was the first time I became emotional while watching a musical. I remembered seeing a lot of kids in the audience before the show started... And then it hit me. For the most part, life's greatest lessons are taught when we're young...and sometimes, because of all the things that preoccupies our adult lives - we forget the most important lessons we have been taught. I guess that realization hit me real hard... There I was, a young adult struggling to be mature enough to start a family of my own... and yet I still have the need to be constantly reminded of the simple yet valuable life's essentials.




All in all, I think I both needed and deserved the chance to see Seussical. I needed to be a little kid again to be reminded "How Lucky (You) Are!", that "Everything's Possible", and I am not "Alone in the Universe." Thanks Dr. Seuss!




And most of all...Thanks Daddy!

WHAT MATTERS MOST ON VALENTINES DAY

I have always thought of Valentines Day to be the most romantic day of the year. Well, when I was still that idealistic young girl... I thought it should be like that... until Valentines Day 2005. I didn't have a date and I didn't even try to make plans for myself - like celebrate my singleness at that time. By the spur of the moment, my good friend Kizzy and I decided we would walk up and down Session Road in Baguio City and count how many people are holding on to V-DAY ESSENTIALS, namely: roses, chocolates, gift, and a DATE. We saw some friends and some familiar faces and we had a lot of fun. That valentine night I learned that the big deal about valentines is spending it with the one you love, no matter how or where or what you do about the occasion. I love Kizzy - she's one of my best girlfriends. And most of all - I learned to love myself!

FAST FORWARD TO VALENTINES DAY 2009

This is Carl and mine's first valentines day as a married couple. I made a plan and I know he did too. I planned for a gorgeous pancake breakfast with strawberry syrup. I know Carl is always amazed by what I prepare on the table, so this time I thought I'd include him in the preparation... I was starting to prep the pancake ingredients when he asked me to go for a morning walk first...then we'll make pancakes when we get back... I said ok, and headed to our door...

Then this was what happened next...

I've been playing around with my camera lately...
Here's one!

The pancake idea failed. I got really frustrated because I wanted to shape them like hearts but the batter was too soupy. It was probably the milk's fault - instead of 3/4 cup I put 1 cup. I tried to "repair" my pancake batter by adding more flour - tadah! NO MORE FLOUR! I tried my luck and added cake mix to substitute the flour. It was already ten o'clock. As I attempted my third pancake, Carl told me we had to be ready by 11:ooam because Jasmine and Scott are driving us to town. I gave him THE LOOK - I felt like, there I was trying so hard to make heartshaped pancakes for valentines brunch...and there he was telling me to drop all my plans because we have to work with his sister and future brother-in-law's schedule. I was furious inside. I gave up on my pancakes... I poured the batter down the drain...I was upset. I opened the TV and watched Ace of Cakes on Food Network.

11:30 and there was no sign of Jasmine and Scott - not even a call. I asked Carl if he wanted to eat lunch at home or still wait for our company. He said he was getting hungry...I made lunch. This wasn't in my plan - but I worked my magic though... I stared at the fridge for about two minutes - I took out some honey ham, a chicken thigh, bean sprouts, and chinese cabbage. I decided to make Ham & Chicken Wrap (without the cheese) and Garlic Bean Sprouts.

Here's us preparing for our Valentine Lunch

Finished Product!

We finally got a call from our company and they were picking us up at around 2:oopm. We got ready - but we didn't get ready for the appropriate activity. All these time we thought we heading straight to town. Little did we know that we were going to take a dip in the water first. TADAH - SURPRISE SURPRISE. You know me, I don't really like sudden twist. When Jasmine came with the "we're going to go swimming at Hukilau" announcement, I tried to be calm and just asked for extra five minutes to change into my swimming suit.

Here's a couple of pictures we had... We went swimming with Jasmine, Scott, Mike (Scott's brother), and April (our good friend)

The waves were awesome...

... and I must admit, this unplanned swimming activity swept some of my upset feelings away. The waves probably took them back to the sea! 

After that cool swim, I knew we were definitely going to town right after. We gave ourselves an hour to dry ourselves and get ready for our dinner dates. Jasmine and Scott made plans to see the Boyz II Men concert at Blaisdell in Honolulu...and Carl and I planned to be dropped off at our dinner destination, then meet up again by midnight. When they came to pick us up at our house, I wasn't ready yet. I got too caught up on choosing a dinner destination. Our choices were: Assaggio, Romano's Macaroni Grill, Tanaka of Tokyo, Tsukiji, Dave & Busters, Red Lobster, and Old Spaghetti Factory. We decided we wanted to dine at Red Lobster. When we got to the car, Jasmine told us we're all heading to Waipahu to eat at Max's! I looked at my husband...and he knew what to do. Besides, if we go all the way to the west side, they might miss the concert...So we headed to Honolulu and I started to daydream about Red Lobster.


We thought we'll be saved from the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG waiting lines at the restaurants. We were wrong. We couldn't afford to wait that long because Jasmine and Scott decided to eat with us and they can't be late for the concert. We gave up Red Lobster and drove to Ala Moana. Again, LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG waiting lines at Romano's, Assaggio, Ruby Tuesdays, and Bubba Gump. Jasmine was really hungry already - all she had for the day was a power bar. Carl and I had lunch so we were fine. As for Scott, maybe he was trying to skip meals intentionally.


So anyway...we ended up having dinner at Ala Moana's Makai Market. Yup, the food court. After going around twice, We tried Mama's Spaghetti House. I had Seafood Supreme with Caesar Salad and Carl had Bay Shrimp Pasta. (We still had the Red Lobster hangover...). It wasn't bad at all - we were full! And I really enjoyed my pasta because it had Capers. They were like green peas but smaller and more olive in color. When you bite them, they burst in your mouth and you get all the wonderful flavors of the sea! I swear - I probably told Carl how happy I was with the capers hundred times that night! Anyway, after dinner we took a stroll to Ward Cinemas. We watched the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic - and we had a blast!


So there...none of the things we really planned happened on Valentines Day. But so what? I was reminded of the lesson I learned four years ago - Spend the day with the one you love, it doesn't matter how, where or what you do about the occasion. And I learned something new... heart-shaped pancakes are not exclusive to Valentines Day breakfast because you can make anyday, Valentines Day!

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