reading the Book of Mormon

My 15-year old Book of Mormon

CONFESSION: The last time I committed myself to reading the Book of Mormon from beginning to end was in 2005. In fact, I did it twice. I used to put it (and my journal) under my pillows so that I could be reminded to read it every night. The Lord surely blessed my life with the wonderful gospel insights and inspiration that I got from reading it. After reading it, I could proudly say that I genuinely have my favorite books (Jacob, Mosiah, and 3rd Nephi) and that I have gained my testimony of it. It helped me find a new perspective and look forward to better days....

Mosiah chapters 3 - 5: one of my favorite scripture blocks;

Mosiah 4:26 - share that which you have,

Mosiah 4:27 - work diligently with priorities to succeed

Well, with all the stresses in our life right now (school, work, future plans, etc...), I was inspired to reach out to my old friend, who I think has been reaching out to me for the last couple of years. And as the saying goes, a good friend is cheaper than therapy. One night I shared my testimony to Carl about the Book of Mormon, and the next thing I know I was crying (sorry, emotional...crazy hormones)... But seriously, I felt very strongly that this was what I, We, needed to do. We've tried for the past three years to religiously read the scriptures - one verse a day, one page a day, one chapter a day - but then we get so busy we lose track. So last week we started reading again... and my scriptures are not on the shelf anymore but are on the little folding bedside chair. So far, we've been good. We're hoping (and working on) we'll not lose track this time. I know it will bless our lives and give us direction, as it did to mine when I did before. The scriptures are powerful, and yes, like a good friend, its cheaper than therapy.

Here's a powerful scripture from Jacob Chapter 2 that Carl and I were talking about last night... 

12And now behold, my brethren, this is the word which I declare unto you, that many of you have begun to search for gold, and for silver, and for all manner of precious ^aores, in the which this land, which is a ^bland of promise unto you and to your seed, doth abound most plentifully.

 18But ^abefore ye seek for ^briches, seek ye for the ^ckingdom of God.

19And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to ^ado good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted.

Let's get spiritual therapy everyone! :)

My Heart's Full on Mother's Day

Carl and I are forever grateful for the wonderful women in our lives - our mothers.

Mom Maribel

Mama Jing

And I am deeply touched by the love I have felt from this man, who made mother's day extra special for me...

mi one and onli

SPREAD THE LOVE EVERYONE - everyday is mother's day!!!

a lovely valentine

"Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred moments so dear

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year

"In daylights, in sunsets

In midnights, in cups of coffee,

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife,

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, a year in a life

"How about love...

Measure in love...

Seasons of love..."

February 14th, 2011 - Our 5th Valentine's Day

Carl and I have many special days of love... the day we became a couple (May 15th 2006), the day we became a couple forever (August 9th 2008), and of course - Valentine's Day.

This year, we had our Valentine's date early (for practical reasons such as avoiding too many people and very long lines) - and we had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack in Sandy. Carl and I love seafood, and as much as we wanted to dine somewhere in Park City, we wouldn't trade good seafood with (expensive) fancy ambience. It was so worth it... the tunes of "eat at joe's" kept playing on Carl's head!

On V-day itself, I prepared a sort of fancy dinner for us at home... and we surprised each other with our gifts. Carl brought home a beautiful bouquet and chocolate truffles, and he also gave me a very very comfy pair of PJs and a framed plaque that says "I always keep falling in love with you!" My gift for him was a chrome watch from Fossil which I think he really liked.

We had a beautiful dinner in candle light and every time I'd bring out the next course, Carl would say, "wag na muna kasi matatapos na ang dinner pag kinain na natin." Yup - he didn't want it to end!

Valentine's Dinner Menu

Appetizer
Crab Stuffed Mushrooms
Baked Porcinis stuffed with crabs and cream cheese and topped with parmigiano reggiano
Salad
Baby Spinach and Cranberries with Raspberry Vinaigrette
Fresh baby spinach, dried cranberries, and almond served with tangy raspberry vinaigrette
Soup
Cheesy Broccoli Soup
Entree`
Tapas and Scallops
Beef tapas and pan-seared scallops served with greens and Spanish rice

Dessert
Red Velvet Cake with Cream Cheese Frosting

It was our longest dinner so far, and one of the best we've had!

Happy Valentines day everyone - Keep spreading the love!

HAPPY MONTHSARY

To my one and only JV,

I can honestly say that I have made the greatest decision ever, in spending eternity with you.

Thank you for just being there, 24/7. Look forward.

I love you.

Carl

XD means interaction designer, CISCO is a fish, and MOSTLY STRAIGHT is a sexual orientation

breathing deeply...

so here's how our study table looks like...

Carl sits on the yellow chair, and those papers under the table are mine

carl and i sit on opposite ends on of the table... i do my thing and he does his, and sometimes...we sometimes take our deep breaths together without doing it on purpose... he usually says... its like being in the middle of deep water - we stop and get some air from above the surface, and then we dive again...

and tonight is one of those very rare weeknights when i get to stay above the surface for a little longer, because:

1. i have no class tomorrow and i have no homework due on a friday, and

2. i decided that i'll be spending my friday in the middle of deep water - so i can appreciate our WEEKEND (yup, rather be knee deep on homework and readings on a friday than drag myself through the weekend thinking about how to catch up on a sunday afternoon).

so anyway... its been 3 weeks since Graduate School Day 1 (at least for me)... for Carl, its been almost 7 weeks. here's a glimpse of how my USUAL WEEK looks like... I'm not including Carl's version of this calendar because I don't want to traumatize anyone, because his planner has actually lost its lines and boxes already...

yup, and that's just the first couple of weeks

It's been a pretty interesting couple of weeks though, and Carl and I are both slowly getting the new routine. We're enjoying our own little apartment here in Provo, and our new ward (family student ward, that is) is full of little kids. Our laundrymat is open 24 hours except on sundays, we have a huge "christmas tree" (as carl refers to it) in front of our balcony, Carl carpools to Riverton everyday, and I walk about 3 miles to and from school each day (about 1.5 miles each way). I am reunited with Food Network and life is a lot better after a long day in school and you come home and you GULP super cold water while you watch Giada de Laurentiis cook a frittata.

We are both enjoying graduate school. We've been borrowing books from the campus library, and I think its pretty cool that I can loan a book for 3 months. Here's a couple of interesting things we've been learning from each other lately through our individual classes:

1. The amount of money Lowe's make annually is equal to the amount of money Walmart makes in 3 months.

2.Walmart's supplier's delivery trucks have a 10 minute interval... no two trucks can unload at the same time.

3. XD means interaction designer

4. Read a book, interpret what was written, then cite the authors - NO EXCEPTIONS

5. On IT management processes: You can solve problems as many times as you want, but you might miss an opportunity to capitalize

6. CISCO is actually a kind of FISH.

7. Research methods is not as intimidating as it sounds... and a patient mentor makes a lot of difference.

8. Structural functionalism has been considered a dead theory, but its ghost is ever so present in the current social theory paradigms.

9. Families are so complex - so deal with it.

10. Research suggests that its better for couples to confront each other's issues than to keep their mouths shut - because in so doing they learn how to deal with confrontations with their teenagers' issues later... that is if their relationship is strong enough to last despite of the confrontations until their kids become teenagers. WE FIGHT, WE LEARN, WE MOVE ON.

11. On Filipino's being Asians: Some institutions actually debate whether Filipinos should be categorized as Asians on grounds of language and cultural processes. (Example, on one of my classes, our professor said..."this is the first time I've taught this class with no Asians {then looking at me], oh wait, do you consider yourself Asian? [and I said yes]... Oh well, don't you speak like what languages? and then the Spanish...and, anyway... [moving on].

12. A sexual orientation called "mostly straight" actually exist. Sexuality is fluid, whether you accept this or not is your own free will and choice.

so there you go...

and oh, we bought a scrabble and Carl's been winning because he keeps getting seven tiles that he can use at one time which gives him 50 bonus points...

until i find time to write again :)

BACK IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS - THE SECOND HONEYMOON

this post won't have much words...

because, I am not spilling the beans...

instead, I'll let the pictures help you figure out

the effect of six weeks of separation

thanks Hilton Garden Inn for the accommodations!

IT WAS AN ABSOLUTELY AWESOME WEEKEND!!!

ps. Carl is the best husband one can ever wish for!!! love you Hon!

It Has Been Two Wonderful Years

HAPPY 2nd ANNIVERSARY!!!

Wedding Day, August 9, 2008 at Laie Hawaii Temple (photo taken @ Hukilau Beach)

First Christmas, TVA Laie, HI, December 2008

Sunny Hawaiian Holiday along Laie Bay, February 2009

Carl's Graduation, BYU-Hawaii, June 2009

Trip to Kona for Jasmine's Wedding, June 9, 2009

The Pike at Rainbow Harbor in Long Beach, CA, July 2009

1st Year Anniversary, August 9, 2009 @ Los Angeles Temple Grounds

Serramonte Ward (Daly City, CA) Christnas Party, December 2009

Disneyland, Christmas 2009

Las Vegas, New Year's Eve 2010

with Bishop Fisher of Lakewood 3rd Ward (Lakewood CA), Ferbruary 2010

Easter Weekend in Moab, UT, April 2010

(at least) 6 weeks of separation

Today I sit at the San Francisco International Airport waiting for my 10pm flight to the Philippines via Philippine Airlines while Carl is in Draper, Utah probably taking a nap so he won't have to think about me being away.

The last three weeks had been a whirlwind of unexpected complicated situations, though most of them are not essentially bad. On June 15th, we put down our deposit for the apartment we were going to rent beginning July 1st. The day after, BYU informed me that they were ready to reopen my graduate school application which has been pending since March. Carl had a feeling I will get in. We decided to call our future landlord and requested a refund of our deposit because there is a possibility that we won't be able to commit to a 1-year contract. Our landlord agreed and the check was voided. The following day, I was informed that I was admitted to the BYU Graduate Program. In the fifteen days that followed, Carl and I were endlessly brainstorming - we did hope for this to come, but we did not expect for this to happen at this point in time. We had exactly 8 weeks to figure out how to work things out.

Our challenges ranged from how to pay 50% of graduate school's cost of attendance to how am I going to get the legal documents that will allow me to study in America. We also had to deal with the issues of my passport, which up until last Thursday, had my maiden name on it. We also had to make sure the validity of it met the requirements for the new visa status I am currently seeking. It was a battle. We eventually had to take a trip to San Francisco last Thursday to apply for my new passport. Once there, we were greeted by more complications. The standard 15-minute passport application lasted for almost 6 hours. Through some sort of Divine intervention, a couple of consulate representatives were able to assist us in resolving my passport issues - the validity was extended for 2 more years, my name was amended, and I was good to go.

At one point in this complication, I had a feeling I would have to make a trip to the Philippines to settle all these things. It was not a very welcome idea. A trip to the Philippines, though always in our plans, was not on our budget list this year. After consulting with BYU Admissions office, Carl and I decided that I really had to take the trip home. The process of changing my current visa status to a student visa will take approximately 8 - 9 months, according to BYU International Admissions. If I go home, my current visa will be terminated and I can apply and schedule for a visa interview with the US Embassy in Manila. IF all goes well, the process will only take about 3 weeks - which means I will be able to come back to the US in time for Fall semester and I can start my Masters program in Marriage, Family and Human Development... and of course, most importantly, I can be with Carl.

The last 15 days of June were certainly miraculous. Carl and I literally saw how our prayers were answered each day as we plead for guidance on how to work out this situation. We went to the temple on Thursday night and poured our hearts to the Lord, pleading to Him, asking Him to bless us in our plans. Our main concern is that if the US Consul at the Embassy decides that I do not qualify for a student visa, I will not be able to re-enter the US...and Carl and I will have to live separately for a while... I don't want to think about that right now.

As Carl and I drove to the airport in Salt Lake City this morning, he asked me what was going on in my head because I looked like I was thinking about so many thing at one time. He was right. In fact, I can't even fully look forward to spending good times with my family and friends in the Philippines because all I can think about right now is the visa interview on Thursday. Maybe after I pass through that hurdle, I can totally enjoy the fact that I have an opportunity to spend quality time with Carl and mine's families.

The past three Thursdays all gave me good news. Thursday June 17th, BYU informed me that I got accepted into their graduate program. Thursday June 24th, I received all the documents that I need for my passport and for my visa. Thursday July 1st, we went to temple and we were comforted and inspired and we were able to commune with the Lord and poured our hearts' desires and lifted our most sincere prayers to Him, leaving our circumstances in His holy hands. Next Thursday July 8th, I will be interviewed for a student visa at the US Embassy in Manila.Carl and I leave my fate to the Lord.

This will be the longest time Carl and I are separated since we got married. To make things worse, we will not be able to spend his birthday, our 2nd anniversary, and my birthday together. Before I boarded this morning, I told Carl that compared to the first time I went home to the Philippines when we were still dating, I actually feel more comforted right now - because whether I can come back to the US or not, it doesn't change the fact that I am his and he is mine. It will be sad, but it will all be fine.

Today is the first day of the longest 6 weeks of my life....

608 Days, a Postcard and a Cake

Carl and I have been married for 608 days now. Since the day we've been married, we've lived in 3 states, stayed in 4 houses, and bought a $2000 car. Its been a total adventure -  we've had our ups and downs, but somehow through each other's strength and with the Lord's grace, we always pull through.

If I had to go through those 20 months by myself, I might have gone crazy every other 2 months. Haha!! Seriously, the not-so-good times were a lot better because I had Carl. Well, for Carl, he always tells me I'm patient and supportive and amazing... I don't feel like I measure up sometimes... but I do the best I can to be a better wife everyday.

As a gift to Carl, I baked and decorated a cake for him. I am very proud of this cake because it's the first time I am making its kind. I baked the cake and made the fondant last Tuesday. I stored them in the freezer, and worked on it yesterday. It took me maybe 4 hours to finish the whole thing, even though its pretty small. I stored it in the fridge after, even though I know I'm not supposed to - condensation inside the fridge is supposed to make the fondant wet, because I had to keep it from Carl. I intended for it to be a surprise, and Carl was not allowed to open the fridge.

Check out my kitchen to learn more about how I made my 1st fondant cake :)

So anyway, when it was time for Carl to see the cake, he almost didn't want to eat it...he said its too pretty! Well, that's Carl - he always makes me feel good about the things I make. We ate some anyway!!!

He bought me a little postcard of the Laie Hawaii Temple, our special temple. Hawaii is our special place - where it all began 4 years ago. Tomorrow, we'll attend the Oquirrh Mountain Temple in South Jordan to celebrate the spiritual essence of our marriage.

It has been an amazing 20 months - and I won't trade anything for the laughs and tears that had been. I love my husband, and I know he loves me - and that makes life great!

Date Night and Twilight

My awesome husband Carl surprised me last week when he came home from work. After he left the office, he dropped by the Walmart Supercenter to get an oil change for our car. When he got home, he asked me, "do you want to go to a Twilight Party this Saturday?" More than surprised, I was intrigued. Carl understands my enthusiasm with Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, in fact he gifted me with the books for Christmas. So, anyway, I thought he was joking because I had just been reading the books again for he nth time. But he was serious...because Twilight Saga cast members were making an appearance at the Riverton Walmart for the Midnight Release of the Twilight Saga: New Moon DVD.

So Friday was date night - he was so patient with me, and he endured all the girlish cheesiness of the fans. I guess he was surprised too, to see young girls, young ladies, young moms, old moms, and SOME boys at the party! LOL. The cast members came out at about past 10pm and they sent the crowd screaming in excitement. Christian Serratos (Angela Weber), Michael Welch (Mike Newton), and Justin Chon (Eric Yorkie), who played Bella's high school friends in the movie, were there to sign New Moon DVDs for the first 300 fans. Too bad, we were probably the 3000th fan to get there...with all those Twilight moms and their daughters already lined up since lunch time, I would still be the 1000th fan to arrive even if I came at 3pm.

But anyway, Carl completed my Twilight DVDs so far... and he watched them with me. He'd actually grown an appreciation for it after he saw how the movie was made - from conceptualization down to post-production. He actually said, we might probably see Eclipse at an IMAX Theatre!!! I am so excited for June 30th!!

I love you Hon - Twilight or no Twilight!!! :)

Surviving, Moving On, and Gratefulness

The past couple of months, we've heard of our friends being involved in accidents on the road. I remember when i heard about Kuya Benjie's accident on his birthday, I couldn't believe he survived it. His car was a total wreck. I thought to myself, he was truly blessed. A couple of days later, Kuya Kamille got rear ended while driving on the freeway. I immediately got hold of Ate Yvonne to make sure everything was ok, and there i learned that their car got a real hard hit and Kuya Kamille was to be taken to the ER. After a couple of exams, Kuya Kamille was cleared and he only suffered muscle trauma due to crash impact. And then a few weeks later, Mhar's parked car was hit by another vehicle. Mhar was safe but his car needed serious fixing. It kept me thinking what if Mhar was in the car? And when it already seemed really odd that all these accidents were happening one after the other, I learned that Kuya Jayson and Ate Lally's family got into a slight car accident while driving in Park City. They were really lucky and they were blessed especially because both of their girls were with them.

For a few weeks, everything seemed calm and i wasn't hearing of anymore accidents. But because of the recent accidents our friends have gotten into, I made sure I reminded Carl to keep himself safe on the road. Carl works night shifts with MySpace and he leaves the house everynight at 10pm so he could be in El Segundo at around 10:45pm to be on time for his 11pm shift. He finishes work at 7:30am and reaches home at around 8:15. If you have known Carl for a while now, you would know that Carl is not the best when it comes to staying up late. In fact, I am the "vampire," not him. So even being the awesome driver that he is, I can not help but worry about him every night especially with all our friends' car accidents.

And then the most tragic news came. The Gunters were involved in a fatal car accident and Amanda was kiled. Levin and I had the same major in BYU-H and he was my classmate in a couple of my Psych classes. Amanda and I were never introduced but I have seen her around campus and in TVA. In fact, when they left Hawaii, they sold us all their kitchen supplies for $40 and literally transferred the contents of their cupboards and pantry to us. Carl told me that when he was reluctant to take all of it, Amanda insisted we take it because she'd prefer knowing somebody will really use their stuff than just leave everything on the free bin. Somehow, Levin and Amanda weren't just acquaintances to Carl and I... and we were devastated when we heard the news. And as if this wasn't quite enough, I read in Lois' blog that another couple from BYU-H was also involved in a fatal car accident. When i think about all of these accidents, it gets kind of creepy sometimes...but most of the time, very sad.

Our friends' cars have since been replaced or fixed and most of them have started the process of collecting damages. Somehow, their bodies were spared by the Lord's tender mercies and I know they have been reminded that their lives are more precious than any other earthly possessions they might have. Sadly for Levin, Amanda is now physically gone in her earthly state... but he still has Ansey to remind him of the wonderful wife he had on earth and he is assured of the promise of eternal families, and Amanda will be waiting for him and Ansey after this life. Though our friends have lost a portion of their possessions, and for Levin's case his wife, they have survived their tragedies and have started moving on. I know deep inside their hearts that they are grateful the Lord had spared them his mercy.

I always tell Carl he should be extra careful when driving at night because, first, he may never know when an accident can happen... and second, because the car he is driving is just a borrowed car. But the reality is, I am not ready to lose Carl to physical death just yet... I get frustrated when Carl doesn't get enough sleep during the day. Its a mix of being worried and being upset. Most of all, it is LOVE. I dont want Carl to get into an accident while driving at night justb because he didnt get his needed sleep. Most of all, I don't want to lose Carl. I am grateful that Carl has been blessed with alertness as he travels to and from work everyday. We are grateful for Carl's health and for our friend Emerson's car. Really, even in trials, tribulations, even tragedies... the Lord is mindful of us.

maybe when the time is right...maybe

i didnt have the motivation to write anything on our blog. i mean...what is there share - thus SHARING OUR LIVES?!?!?! the heck... i sound pathetic aren't i? yes i am... i felt crappy 75% of the time for the past couple of months...i felt hopeless, helpless and scared. i think the only good things that happened to me since we got here in California were Carl's birthday, our first wedding anniversary, and my birthday. i acknowledge the fact that we have been blessed in more ways than i noticed... but maybe because i felt so low inside, i still felt crappy for myself. Darn YOU self-pity...darn YOU.


as i have imagined... moving to California was very TRYING. on some days, i have asked myself - WHY DID WE EVEN MOVE HERE? but that phase i already dealt with. i am over it and i have accepted our fate that was brought about by the decision to move to a place that is by the way one of most hit states by this economic recession. between carl's job and my "dependent" state, i questioned my purpose here in America and that made matters worse - because for the first time in my life it didnt feel like i had a purpose...deep inside, i was calling myself a LOSER. thanks to Carl, family members who REALLY understood where i was coming from, and friends who REALLY knew how hard it was for me - i slowly got over my self-imposed depression also known as SELF PITY. i got a little better each day, and each day became a little better...




and then it came... and i almost thought i was crazy... back track to July.


Carl and I have been trying to conceive since the day we got married. we've read stuff, we've tried stuff, i had my stuff checked. we were advised to get both of us checked if we dont successfully conceive after a year of trying. On Carl's birthday, I was already a week late for my period. I tested - NEGATIVE. i talked to my mom, she advised me to wait it out, give it a couple more weeks then test again. 2 weeks later, i tested again - NEGATIVE. Carl was being positive and started talking to my belly, telling it to be strong. i told carl he was nuts...the tests were negative and this already happened to us before. i am not pregnant... but am i really not? i felt tired everyday and i started throwing up. my head felt light at times and i just wanted to sleep. i shrugged all of it off my shoulders... the tests were negative, can't beat that. another 2 weeks came by and i am still not having my period. carl told me to take the test. it was the morning of my birthday. i took my 3rd pregnancy test and it was negative... i was already 5 weeks delayed. i started to worry... im having most of the pregnancy symptoms in the book. maybe im not using the test kits correctly. carl took me to a local clinic and they ran a couple of tests on me. still negative. i couldnt get it. how can i not be not pregnant. the nurse advised me to come back in two weeks - which we did, for the 5th time it was negative. i was already 8 weeks delayed. she advised me to schedule an ultrasound appointment, just to make sure of whats really going on inside of me... a baby, a cyst, no baby, no cyst, whatever thats causing all my symptoms. i didn't show up for my ultrasound appointment. cold feet. what if there's no baby, but theres a cyst instead. i wont be surprised...it runs in the blood. carl was persistent. he wanted me to take that ultrasound on Sept. 16th. at this point...i was already 12 weeks delayed. I refused and insisted we wait for October... it ended up we didnt have to. I bled on the 15th. It wasnt miscarriage, it was my period.


I wasnt pregnant afterall. What I had was probably PSEUDOCYESIS. yup - BIG WORD. its commonly called hysterical pregnancy and it means false pregnancy - the body exhibits pregnancy symptoms even if theres no pregnancy because the mind and the body wants to have a baby badly. its mostly psychological. reports have shown that some women actually get huge prego bellies like for real but theres no real pregnancy going on and other people might even feel fetal movements. Crazy huh... i actually thought i was crazy.




self pity mode all over again. i saw the faces and bellies of every pregnant woman i know in my mind at that moment and i wanted to ask them WHY ARE YOU PREGNANT AND I AM NOT?! it felt unfair - really unfair. i was mad at my body... because i failed once again - at something that I know i should be able to do. it took me a couple of days... i still DONT want to see pregnant women right now, especially those who just got pregnant. if some of you will read this one, dont get me wrong. i am not mad at you or your pregnancy - just dont talk to me about it right now. to those who had been prego for a while now, like my dear friend Samantha, you're all good - i know what youve been through and you totally deserve your baby.


as for me and carl, and my uterus...we will keep on trying...and maybe when the time is right, my womb ill get that chance too... maybe.

BUSY DAYS Part 2

JUNE 9. It was Jasmine's big day. Our day started at 4am. I know... I know... I swore to myself after all these things are over - I am going to sleep in everyday for a week until I feel normal again. LOL. Anyway, so we all woke up early and I made Jasmine pretty... at least I tried my best. I am not a pro when it comes to dolling up other people - but duty calls!

She was a beautiful bride. It was an honor for me to be there with her every step of the way as she received her endowment in the house of the Lord. It was an extra special day because it was also Carl and mine's 10th month together. We haven't been to the temple since the Laie temple closed in December, so it was a really good time to be in the temple again. We've been on a very hectic schedule, and that time at the temple indeed gave me a boost of spirituality that I really needed. And after all that we've been doing and will be doing in the next couple of days - I needed a calm day.

After Jasmine and Scott's sealing, we spent the rest of the day preparing for our flight back to Oahu.

We had a quick lunch at Romano's Macaroni and Grill, headed back to the resort, packed our bags, let the newly weds take off to their hotel, took a nap... and when a little strength was regained, Pat and Paul took us to the airport and soon enough, Carl and I were heading back to Honolulu. Our kind friends Aaron and Susan Moore picked us up at the airport and drove us back to Laie. We are so grateful to them for doing us the favor on a very short notice and considering Susan's delicate condition. We are really blessed to have great friends.

JUNE 10. Ckaz and Jamie were so kind, they let us stay with them in their apartment for the rest of our days in Laie. They were also kind enough to have us use their kitchen so I can cook for the wedding reception. They also let us use their car so we can finish our last minute errands. We can not be grateful enough to Ckaz and Jamie. Ckaz helped me with some of the cooking. She had to go to work too... but that's ok, she had already done enough. Sheila helped me cook too... it was really nice of her, considering she was babysitting at the same time. Good thing little Tom took an extra long nap time! Carl, on the other hand, was busy helping with the reception area. I know he was really tired - physically exhausted - and he needed a break. I know Carl wants to go surfing so bad (he almost took a surfing class, but he dropped it when he learned he had to pay some extra fees)... so I asked Jamie if he could take Carl rip some waves before we leave.

Though he was tired too, Jamie took the time off from work to take Carl to the beach to surf. When they came home, I knew Carl was overjoyed - he almost wanted to surf for another hour, but we had to be at Jasmine and Scott's wedding reception.

Jasmine and Scott's reception was good - good food! LOL. It was a bitter sweet moment for our family. It was sort of a farewell for us as well. Jasmine was excited to go to lalala-Land with her groom. But Carl and I were sad to say our goodbyes to our friends in Hawaii. I told myself no crying... but heck, I could not help it. I was really sad. Jamie took pictures of sobbing like a little girl, but I deleted some - I looked really messed up. After the reception, we tried to personally say goodbye to our friends. Some families we missed were the Sparks and the Catahans. We didn't want to disturb Lois because it was already late (it was almost time for her to give birth) and Janette was still in the hospital recovering from her delivery. We were able to say goodbye to the Gellors though - Oh we surely miss their two princesses and of course Wacks' queen, Hannah! LOL. Ckaz and Jamie had to leave for Honolulu that night because they were flying to Kona the next morning, they were going to the temple with our ward. Before we went to bed, April gave Carl and I a good back massage - we were knocked out... and so was everyone.

TO BE CONTINUED...

On Moving... and Moving On

I suck at moving on... i always make sure that give myself time to emotionally say good bye to things i have learned to love... sometimes, i get stuck - like i get scared of living a life without those i have become emotionally attached to. I hate goodbyes... i just hate them...

But as my good friend Angela Buenafe told me before i left Baguio City, "there are such things as necessary absences..." Sometimes, or maybe, a lot of times, we just have to let go, leave, and carry on...

I thought leaving Hawaii would be easier - because I have told myself countless times that I have already accomplished what I was sent to Hawaii for. I have convinced myself that I need a new environment and that the Hawaii adventure is over. I have rehearsed those thoughts in my mind over and over until I felt comfortable with leaving the islands.

But it wasn't easy.

Anyone who has made a major relocation in their life will agree that moving is INDEED EXHAUSTING.

Carl and I felt mentally drained as we thought about choosing the best date to check-out of the apartment, the best day to leave the island, the cheapest flight, the most convenient airline, who to temporarily stay with, the best way to ship things, which stuff are to be kept and which are to be tossed, and most of all how to financially survive the big move. We had to think about all these on top of Carl's equally important goal he had to focus on - graduation.


A wise friend of ours told us that the process of our move will test our relationship in many aspects. I guess it really did.


I am a control-freak - i don't want to use the word perfectionist because though i hate flawed plans, I prefer to think that it is a matter of checking all loop holes before pushing through. Carl is a planner too. However, it seemed to me like he wasn't doing what was supposed to be in the plan. I become agitated by his simplest deviation from "our" plan. It felt frustrating because I didn't want to go through things all over again and go back to square one. But then at the end of the day, I realize how hard it would have been for Carl to accommodate all my preferences while trying his best to make this move easier.


I admit though that I had broken down a lot of times. I cried and yelled at myself while packing and thinking about other things all at the same time. Everything was happening in front of me and I, the great control freak, was losing control. Carl's graduation, Jasmine's wedding, the big move - happening one after the other. I don't know if I missed something while we were planning for this... but I guess somewhere along the way, I forgot to pause and think. There I was - drained and exhausted.


On the brighter side, moving taught me valuable lessons of love and friendship. Love for the things that made me happy while I was on the island, love for the people who have accepted me for who I am, and love for the place that showed me what I really wanted. Kissing my blender and Carl's guitar goodbye were few of my emotional moments (yes, it sounds dramatic - but hey, these things meant a lot to me... especially Carl's guitar)... few of those that I was really caught off guard, moments that I thought I wouldn't have to go through because I have prepared myself for this.

kissing Niobe bye-bye

had to say bye-bye to Shawn and Lindsey, our super neighbors

gotta let go of Carl's guitar

this whole crying thing wasn't just me...

I tried not to cry on our last day on the island. Because yes, there are no real goodbyes so to speak - only "see you later"s. But because I am a drama queen, oh yes, I did cry.

these are just some of the people that makes leaving really hard

Indeed moving was a big challenge. Leaving things and people behind and moving on to find what's out there for Carl and I. I was scared - this was more scarier for me than it was to come to Hawaii. Carl tried his best to get the fear get the hell out of me...you bet he did. Some days, I thought I'd go nuts.


But... well here I am... still have my sanity intact... and yes, I kind of survived the move. I still get that scared feeling once in a while and it goes to my head sometimes i feel crazy - but Carl is here - and he keeps me moving on, and believing that there is something for us here in California.

CARL-SIFE LOVE AFFAIR

I have a busy husband.

ERASE ERASE

I should have said -
I HAVE A VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY BUSY HUSBAND -
Thanks to Students in Free Enterprise more commonly known as SIFE.

Here we go...

A couple of months ago, Carl and his SIFE Team won the regional competition in Honolulu, and because of that they got to represent the school in the SIFE Nationals in Philadelphia. They prepared for two months, memorizing rehearsing and memorizing again and again for this competition. It drove me nuts... Carl was busy with hisn senior classes, with job hunting, with two part time jobs, with me, and with SIFE... come on...Carl only has 1 body and he only got 24 hours a day...




I know I know - i got really jealous with SIFE - because he spent most of his SPARE time on it. But yes - I am also the dutiful wife and i convinced myself everyday that one day, when Carl eventually becomes the CEO of his own company, it could be worse. So there i was, gave Carl the chance to invest his sweat blood and tears to SIFE. To top it all off - I GAVE CARL TO SIFE FOR A WHOLE WEEK and celebrated our 9th monthsary and mother's day alone.




But like i said on my first blog about the Carl-SIFE love affair, in the end it was all worth it.




After Carl's months of preparation and a week of being apart - CARL and his SIFE team made history.

TOP 12 in the whole US - BYUH has never done that before. Awesome!

Maybe I could bear SIFE for a Mistress after all!!!