But as my good friend Angela Buenafe told me before i left Baguio City, "there are such things as necessary absences..." Sometimes, or maybe, a lot of times, we just have to let go, leave, and carry on...
I thought leaving Hawaii would be easier - because I have told myself countless times that I have already accomplished what I was sent to Hawaii for. I have convinced myself that I need a new environment and that the Hawaii adventure is over. I have rehearsed those thoughts in my mind over and over until I felt comfortable with leaving the islands.
But it wasn't easy.
Anyone who has made a major relocation in their life will agree that moving is INDEED EXHAUSTING.
Carl and I felt mentally drained as we thought about choosing the best date to check-out of the apartment, the best day to leave the island, the cheapest flight, the most convenient airline, who to temporarily stay
with, the best way to ship things, which stuff are to be kept and which are to be tossed, and most of all how to financially survive the big move. We had to think about all these on top of Carl's equally important goal he had to focus on - graduation.
A wise friend of ours told us that the process of our move will test our relationship in many aspects. I guess it really did.
I am a control-freak - i don't want to use the word perfectionist because though i hate flawed plans, I prefer to think that it is a matter of checking all loop holes before pushing through. Carl is a planner too. However, it seemed to me like he wasn't doing what was supposed to be in the plan. I become agitated by his simplest deviation from "our" plan. It felt frustrating because I didn't want to go through things all over again and go back to square one. But then at the end of the day, I realize how hard it would have been for Carl to accommodate all my preferences while trying his best to make this move easier.
I admit though that I had broken down a lot of times. I cried and yelled at myself while packing and thinking about other things all at the same time. Everything was happening in front of me and I, the great control freak, was losing control. Carl's graduation, Jasmine's wedding, the big move - happening one after the other. I don't know if I missed something while we were planning for this... but I guess somewhere along the way, I forgot to pause and think. There I was - drained and exhausted.
On the brighter side, moving taught me valuable lessons of love and friendship. Love for the things that made me happy while I was on the island, love for the people who have accepted me for who I am, and love for the place that showed me what I really wanted. Kissing my blender and Carl's guitar goodbye were few of my emotional moments (yes, it sounds dramatic - but hey, these things meant a lot to me... especially Carl's guitar)... few of those that I was really caught off guard, moments that I thought I wouldn't have to go through because I have prepared myself for this.
this whole crying thing wasn't just me...
these are just some of the people that makes leaving really hard
Indeed moving was a big challenge. Leaving things and people behind and moving on to find what's out there for Carl and I. I was scared - this was more scarier for me than it was to come to Hawaii. Carl tried his best to get the fear get the hell out of me...you bet he did. Some days, I thought I'd go nuts.
But... well here I am... still have my sanity intact... and yes, I kind of survived the move. I still get that scared feeling once in a while and it goes to my head sometimes i feel crazy - but Carl is here - and he keeps me moving on, and believing that there is something for us here in California.
with, the best way to ship things, which stuff are to be kept and which are to be tossed, and most of all how to financially survive the big move. We had to think about all these on top of Carl's equally important goal he had to focus on - graduation.A wise friend of ours told us that the process of our move will test our relationship in many aspects. I guess it really did.
I am a control-freak - i don't want to use the word perfectionist because though i hate flawed plans, I prefer to think that it is a matter of checking all loop holes before pushing through. Carl is a planner too. However, it seemed to me like he wasn't doing what was supposed to be in the plan. I become agitated by his simplest deviation from "our" plan. It felt frustrating because I didn't want to go through things all over again and go back to square one. But then at the end of the day, I realize how hard it would have been for Carl to accommodate all my preferences while trying his best to make this move easier.
I admit though that I had broken down a lot of times. I cried and yelled at myself while packing and thinking about other things all at the same time. Everything was happening in front of me and I, the great control freak, was losing control. Carl's graduation, Jasmine's wedding, the big move - happening one after the other. I don't know if I missed something while we were planning for this... but I guess somewhere along the way, I forgot to pause and think. There I was - drained and exhausted.
On the brighter side, moving taught me valuable lessons of love and friendship. Love for the things that made me happy while I was on the island, love for the people who have accepted me for who I am, and love for the place that showed me what I really wanted. Kissing my blender and Carl's guitar goodbye were few of my emotional moments (yes, it sounds dramatic - but hey, these things meant a lot to me... especially Carl's guitar)... few of those that I was really caught off guard, moments that I thought I wouldn't have to go through because I have prepared myself for this.
kissing Niobe bye-bye
had to say bye-bye to Shawn and Lindsey, our super neighbors
gotta let go of Carl's guitar
this whole crying thing wasn't just me...
I tried not to cry on our last day on the island. Because yes, there are no real goodbyes so to speak - only "see you later"s. But because I am a drama queen, oh yes, I did cry.
these are just some of the people that makes leaving really hard
Indeed moving was a big challenge. Leaving things and people behind and moving on to find what's out there for Carl and I. I was scared - this was more scarier for me than it was to come to Hawaii. Carl tried his best to get the fear get the hell out of me...you bet he did. Some days, I thought I'd go nuts.
But... well here I am... still have my sanity intact... and yes, I kind of survived the move. I still get that scared feeling once in a while and it goes to my head sometimes i feel crazy - but Carl is here - and he keeps me moving on, and believing that there is something for us here in California.
A miishoo..the last picture was bitter sweet, and I look fat, but I love you still my dear..you take care.you're always in my thoughts. I will let you know when we go to the Mainland will visit you.
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